Tuesday, June 7, 2011

E3 Press Conference Roast: Sony

Alright, Microsoft did it's thing and next up is Sony. Well..things have been rather bittersweet for them lately. A terrible ps3 launch that finally started to get momentum until the psn crashed for a month. Their entry into the portable market wasn't too bad, but the psp go was a joke. Luckily with the Vita and a few strong first party titles, they have something to bring to the expo this year.

Sony opens the show up with an excellent montage. Ok, I'm a sucker for dubstep. I've always thought prebriefing montages were a good idea though, gives you an idea of what to expect. But seriously, that dubstep song. Who's that by? I want it. Actually, let me just get all the songs used in that montage.

Mooooving right along, and trying to ignore the fact that the whole audience is wearing cheap looking 3d glasses (Smart move, Sony..make a briefing being televised across the world 3d for the sake of the couple thousand in the room)...actually wait. Hold on a second. I don't know if you've worn 3d glasses before, but the polarized lenses make it VERY difficult to look at screens. Cell phones, laptops, etc..they all turn completely black at a certain angle. WHY WOULD YOU MAKE THE MEDIA PEOPLE WEAR GLASSES. That's just retarded!

Also why do they let Jack Tretton talk? He's old and annoying and nobody likes him. Find a PR person, for God's sake. The apology about the PSN was lovely, but I found it mildly hilarious that he said, "This isn't the first time that I've come to the stage at an E3 press conference with an elephant in the room." Yeaaaah Sony, times have been tough for you. Ouchhh.

First title to be featured was the newest Uncharted game. Not really my thing, but I guess I can respect. But seriously, what is that guy's accent? The dude talking about it..I can't understand a word he's saying. They should hire someone who speaks English. I think that'd be a smart move. Also, for someone so good at..adventuring and stuff..Drake looks like he's absolutely smashed when running on this boat. I mean it's not even moving all that much and he's staggering around like a middle schooler on 4loko.

"Pretty amazing guys, we're going to sell a couple of copies of that..bad..boy." No Jack Tretton, shut up. You're weird and awkward and I wish you'd go away.

Next up, another heavy hitter exclusive title. This is like the MS conference except..wait..no it's the opposite. Resistance 3, another series I never really got into but have heard is excellent. But why is the bro playing the game using a pink controller? Queeeer. Also the gameplay on this one looks like a big fire and lightning orgasm. Seriously, they're shooting lightning and these lightning guys to make them explode into fire and lightning, which they shoot fire at for more fightning. I just made that word up, as it seems to be necessary to adequately describe what I'm seeing here.

Taking a break from the games, Tretton starts talking about a new Playstation TV and glasses. Ok, this monitor thing actually looks pretty sick. Apparently two players will see two different images from the same tv? I'm really curious to see that in action, as my overwhelming skepticism makes me..well, skeptical. Also, what the heck would happen to a third person looking at that tv without glasses? Would their brain explode? I'm thinking their brain might explode. Also, at 500 bucks, this isn't even remotely worth it. For the same amount I can get a 3d display of the same size for my pc, which I also considered overpriced but would MUCH rather have. 3d is still wayyyy to expensive. Good try, but no.

Playstation Move. Still a Wii ripoff. No thanks. Get outta here with yer crazy gimmicks. And here comes Kobe Bryant, which I also would consider a crazy gimmick. Especially considering how TERRIBLY scripted his lines are.

Skipping ahead to something people actually care about, Starhawk. This game looks sort of amazing. Hopefully it lives up. I'm not sure why the spiritual successor to Warhawk is Starhawk, maybe Sony's just trying to be more like Blizzard. Which is setting your sights a bit high, since Blizzard is too cool to come to E3 these days.

Bioshooooock <3

So, the Vita announcement is the epitome of this whole conference. However, Sony was kind enough to leave me with a sour taste in my mouth before the announcement. I HATE HATE HATE this whole idea of console companies getting exclusive content in cross platform games. Our Mortal Kombat has this character, our SSX will have this level, we have kinect support, well we have move support...It's ruining gaming! Think about it..Sony and MS are no doubt paying some mega bucks to take content away from the gamers. The developer makes 10 levels and charges 60 bucks, but gamers only get 9 because one is exclusive xbox and one is exclusive ps3. This is happening more and more often and it's really a bad thing. Please stop.

Aaaaaaand the Vita. For those who don't know, the Vita is Sony's next generation portable, no doubt butting heads with the Nintendo 3ds. Sony claimed the Vita would launch this year, and the specs are looking pretty nice for the 250 dollar price tag. I'm not sure though..it almost seems too good to be true. The thing has like..2 cameras, 2 touchpads, a million buttons/joysticks..it has freaggin everything. Putting that much into a console and pricing it at 250 makes me wonder what kind of quality we're working with here. Hard to speak until I see it for myself, but..well, interesting times are ahead. And if this little bugger is everything it's hyped up to be and launches with the titles planned for it..Well, you'd better have something up your sleeve for the 3DS, Nintendo.

That concludes part 2. I'm sitting in the hotel now with the slow as dirt internet and a bit of jet lag sleepiness, but tomorrow marks the first day of the actual convention! I can't even imagine what it'll be like, so hopefully I'll have some good stories to post tomorrow night!

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